Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Ridgeet wrote on his blog


Open Relations ... now thats an interesting concept that I am trying to understand off late, especially after meeting someone who is (or claims to be) in one.

What exactly is Open Relationship ?
1) There is some degree of commitment, yet no issues if I screw around
2) I live with you, take care of you, and get the same in return... and yet there is no legal binding for the same ... so can move out any time ...
3) Maybe marriage is silly a term, our relationship is much deeper than that (what's live-in then?)
4) Come on, lets not restrict ourselves

You are most free to add up to my list. Interestingly, the concept is viewed differently in different societies. As I find many of my friends smirking at the thought, as for them it is nothing but an open license for adultery... many others are quite accepting of the fact that it is a good way of removing the restrictions that are otherwise set by the tradional boundaries of marriage.

But then again, how open is an open relationship?

Does it necessarily overcome some drawbacks of marriage (if any ?) or is just a plain fad of time? Long back I read an interview of the wife of an idustrialist who said that she thinks that if her husband maintains an occassional affair outside marriage, she is quite fine with it. As long as he comes back to her.

Point to be noted, and I have been sensing the same, that open relationship often tinkers the message of an affair, or sex, or date... but never does it talk about companionship. I am not very sure, but shouldn't that also be considered. If that exists, that is...

But the open relationship concept probably works best when their exists a equivalent amount of maturity and sense of security in the two minds. Else the mix could be explosive. Think of the possibility. And of the possible harm. At one hand, it can make you reduce the tension of commitment, and yet could bring about more than asked for.

But somewhere in the whole argument, I am thinking, dont we still have the sense of responsibility and commitment existing in our daily relationships. After all, even as friends, we are bound by unwritten laws laid down by the heart. Wouldn't it be weird, if we had open friendship, whatever that would be like. Whatever, maybe the definition implies a deeper definition. Maybe society demands for it from a high profile couple, or boredom and the daily routine desires a change, or the basic nature compels to look out, or just too free a nature prevails.

But at the end of the day, a relationship of some sort exists.

My reply to him -

Hi there,

I read your post about open relationships. You have thought it out very well. You've touched almost all the angles except may be one detail - open and closed relationships are categories of relationship based on sex. There's lot more to a relationship. I am in a relationship and we celebrated our third anniversary last week. We have also been living together for more than 2 and a 1/2 years. And our relationship can be called an open relationship by some.

For me it is a relationship, a commitment to be together come what may. My partner came out to his parents after we met and a couple of months ago I came out to my parents. We have gone through a lot for each other and we will continue to do so.

You are very right about maturity and sense of security of the partners for any thing like this to work. We have reached that level in our relationship where being together doesn't mean just having sex with each other. We share our lives and dreams.

When I read your post I felt like writing to you and give you this perspective. To each, their own. All of us are different and what works for us may not work for you.


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